Giving Meaningful Praise That Lands

Successful Toastmasters clubs and professional teams thrive on a secret ingredient: appreciation. Yet, why does praise so often fall flat? That sincere “thank you,” meant to uplift, can misfire if it’s not delivered in a way that truly resonates with the recipient.

In my work with executives, one of the most frequent requests I get is to help organizations create a positive team culture. I’ve seen firsthand what an underutilized tool effective praise can be. Appreciating people’s work is a powerful, cost-effective means of boosting both morale and performance. If you want rapid improvement and more bang for your buck, look no further.

Whether you’re chairing a club committee, mentoring a member, leading a workplace team, or even trying to improve personal relationships, learning to speak each person’s language of appreciation ensures your praise doesn’t miss the mark.

Why Appreciation Matters to People

Feeling appreciated is a fundamental human need. We wither without it. Receiving praise literally elicits a dopamine response in the brain, creating feelings of pride and pleasure. Those feel-good emotions build on each other and become almost addictive, which then creates repeat behavior. It’s such a strong motivator, we’ll do anything we can to get our next hit.

Leaders can leverage this fact by ensuring they build a culture of positive feedback by offering consistent, meaningful praise. If your workplace or club isn’t creating this dopamine response, people may look elsewhere to get their fix.

The challenge is, most of us notice when things go wrong more than when they go right. Missed deadlines and mistakes grab our attention, while people quietly doing excellent work can go unnoticed. So it’s vital that leaders become skilled at catching people doing things right and making acknowledgement a regular habit.

However, effective praise needs to be more than a basic “thanks!” It should be timely (don’t wait weeks or months to offer your praise), specific (state exactly what you notice/appreciate), and genuine (people can smell insincere praise a mile away). Offering timely, specific, and genuine praise offers three major benefits:

1. It boosts the recipient’s satisfaction and well-being in the moment.
2. It motivates them to repeat the behavior.
3. It builds emotional credit for when constructive feedback is needed.

Why Appreciation Matters for Organizations

Nearly half of professionals say they’d work harder if they felt more recognized, yet 82% feel under-appreciated by supervisors. This disconnect lowers morale, effort, and retention.

Unrecognized employees are more likely to resign, or to actively disengage—rowing the boat in the opposite direction.

In Toastmasters, where roles are voluntary, underappreciation often leads to burnout, withdrawal, or reluctance to step up in the future. Conversely, when volunteers feel seen and celebrated, they’re energized to keep contributing.

Here’s a key truth all leaders need to understand—people do more of what they’re praised for. Rather than micromanaging or pointing out mistakes, highlighting positives makes your team go the extra mile.

Understanding people’s preference for public versus private recognition is key. If I call Jenny to the stage at the big annual meeting to give her a surprise award when she hates being the center of attention, she’ll dislike the experience immensely.

Conversely, if Mark prefers public praise and I send him a handwritten note, he may feel that I didn’t really mean it because I didn’t present it in front of his peers.

Speaking the Right Language

More than 30 years ago, Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages began transforming personal relationships with the concept that people give and receive love differently depending on their personality. Later, Chapman and psychologist Paul White’s book The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace adapted those concepts to the workplace, identifying five languages of appreciation and encouragement to create healthy work relationships, and thus happier and more productive teams.

The challenge is, we all naturally (unconsciously) offer praise and affirmation in ways that we prefer to receive it. The golden rule says to treat people how you’d like to be treated.

The platinum rule is even better: Treat people how they want to be treated.

For instance, if you give a gift without a card to someone who craves affirming words, your attempt may fall flat. A long email of praise won’t mean much to someone who’d rather you helped them out. And sending someone home early for the day will disappoint them if they’d really prefer an afternoon tea so they can spend quality time with their colleagues.

Here are several ways to speak each language.

Discovering People’s Preferences

The best way to find out a person’s preferred “language”? Ask.

Try questions such as: What’s the best recognition you’ve ever received? How do you prefer to be thanked—publicly or privately? Do you prefer tangible gifts, acts of service, verbal praise, or spending time together?

You can also use a brief questionnaire to learn what each team member values.

I provide clients with a “Getting to Know You” questionnaire, inviting them to share fun facts—such as their favorite café, song or artist, ice cream flavor, store, or charity—along with how they like to receive recognition (e.g., publicly or privately, through words, gifts, time, or acts of service) and who they most appreciate receiving it from.

One of my long-term consulting clients, a New Zealand accounting firm, adopted this tool as part of a wider leadership and well-being program. At an all-team training day, I saw the impact firsthand. The practice manager, Jane, stood up and presented Alex, a team member, with a generous, beautifully curated gift basket.

He was gobsmacked—not just by the gift’s size, but by how thoughtfully it included his favorite snacks, brands, and other items. Jane later shared her amusement, saying that although Alex had filled in the questionnaire just weeks earlier, he clearly didn’t expect his employer to take such detailed notice—let alone act on it.

This wasn’t a one-off gesture. Over the next six months, I worked with the firm to embed appreciation into their leadership approach. When we repeated their survey, staff satisfaction scores nearly doubled, and all other engagement and well-being metrics improved across the board.

The takeaway? When you ask about—and follow through on—how people like to be appreciated, it’s more than thoughtful. It becomes a powerful catalyst for motivation, loyalty, and culture change.

Foster a Culture of Appreciation

Peer-to-peer acknowledgement often has the greatest impact. When praise flows laterally as well as downward, it creates a healthier culture. Try these habits:

• Add a regular “high-five” segment to meetings.
• Invite people to share peer praise—make it easy by having thank you notecards available.
• Create a monthly award for staff to nominate each other.
• Share “wins of the week” both internally and on social media to congratulate people.
• Thank others for their help or ideas.
• Acknowledge behind-the-scenes work.
• Send an encouraging message.

In one Toastmasters District, a Division Director began each meeting with two minutes of “gratitude moments.” Members named someone who’d supported or inspired them, creating a ripple effect of appreciation that trickled down to the club level.

Whether you’re a Toastmasters leader or a workplace professional, learning to appreciate others meaningfully is one of the most impactful tools you can develop. Even small, well-timed gestures can ripple into lasting loyalty, pride, and connection.

Remember:

• People do more of what they’re praised for.
• Affirmation must be timely, specific, and genuine.
• Ask people how they like to be recognized.
• Tailor your praise to match their language of appreciation.

When you speak someone’s language of appreciation, you show that you see them—not just for what they do, but for who they are.