How to Write a Eulogy

A guide to honoring a life with thought and care

Published

Writing a eulogy can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. A eulogy is simply a heartfelt tribute that honors someone’s life, shares meaningful memories, and reflects their impact on others.

In this guide, you’ll learn how to write a eulogy step by step, including examples, tips, and a simple template you can follow.

What Is a Eulogy?

A eulogy might be the most difficult speech you’ll ever deliver. It is a written or spoken tribute to someone who has died.

Eulogies can be informal or formal. Sometimes the service officiant will ask people to share their remembrances during the memorial service. Other times, you will be asked in advance to honor the person.

Although they can be given in a place of worship, a eulogy is separate from the religious aspect of the service and is given by someone with a relationship to the deceased. Of course, eulogies do not have to be given during a religious ceremony—many are done at other types of memorial gatherings.

Regardless of where you speak, a eulogy is a time to honor someone who has died and share the unique aspects of their life—what kind of person they were and what impact they made on others.

What Makes an Effective Eulogy?

A good eulogy is reflective, sincere, and non-judgmental. You want to celebrate the person’s life while acknowledging the loss they will leave.

Your eulogy should draw a picture of who that person was. Think about their important qualities, like their personality, contributions to their family or community, or what brought them joy. You want someone who didn’t know the person well to come away with a sense of who they were.

A eulogy is not the time to share every memory you have of that person or to be too personal—a eulogy is about them, not you. Emphasize (but don’t exaggerate) their positive qualities, taking care not to turn them into someone they weren’t. Keep them human and recognizable.

Finally, don’t be afraid to make people laugh, especially if the person you are honoring had a good sense of humor. Likewise, don’t be afraid of choking up while you speak. Laughter and tears are both completely normal when remembering someone important to you.

How to Plan a Eulogy

You might be struggling with what to say while you are still in the early stages of grief. Or you may have already been compiling your thoughts, knowing the end of life was imminent. Either way, writing a eulogy can be an emotional experience on many levels—not only because of the loss but also because of the memories you're calling upon. Embrace the process and know that everything you feel along the way is valid.

The more you prepare, the less likely it is that you’ll be overtaken by nerves or emotions. Delivering a eulogy is an honor, and you want to make it meaningful and worthy of the person.

When thinking about what to say, first ask yourself some questions:

  • What words would you use to describe the person to someone?
  • What are some of your strongest memories with them?
  • What were their favorite things to do?
  • What did you admire about the person?
  • What did they seem most proud of?
  • When did they seem happiest to you?

As you reflect, see if you can find a common theme or a few stories you would like to share. You’re just brainstorming at this point.

Sometimes going through old photos, letters, yearbooks, scrapbooks, or other memorabilia (either your own or other people’s) can help jog your memory or fill in the blanks.

Other considerations before you start writing:

  • What type of tone is appropriate? Consider the age of the person who passed, as well as how they passed. The service for someone who lived a long, full life will likely have a different tone than someone who died younger or tragically would have.
  • Did the person have strong spiritual beliefs? If so, the concepts of heaven, an afterlife, or a future life might offer solace or even a more joyful/hopeful outlook for attendees.
  • Is humor appropriate? If the person had a sense of humor or a lightness in life, it’s fine to include lighthearted moments that illuminate that aspect of their personality. Just be sure the laughs come from a place of joyous remembrance and that you are laughing with the person, not at them.
  • What do you want listeners to take away? Do you want to inspire them, remind them of the person’s impact on others, or share how they impacted your life?
  • How well do you know the person? You might be asked to speak because people know you’re a good speaker, or because no one in the family is prepared or able to do so. In that case, try to meet with close family or friends of the deceased to get a sense of what the person was like and draw out their memories using the questions above that you would ask yourself.

Once you have brainstormed, start narrowing it down to find a focus.

There are a few ways you could potentially organize your speech:

  • By principle or theme: If the person had a hobby or interest, see if you can build around that. If they loved to garden, are there other ways they made life bloom? If they volunteered in the community, what other ways did they give of themselves? Did they love cars, sports, books, or movies?
  • By chronology: Find some moments throughout the person’s life that defined them or were particularly meaningful or memorable and share those. Take care not to simply list their accomplishments—a eulogy is a tribute to who they were, not what they did.
  • By anecdote: Highlight two to four experiences you had with the person, but always make that person the subject, not yourself.

How to Write a Eulogy: Step-by-Step Guide

Once you have sifted through memories and decided on a few you’d like to include, it’s time to start writing. Like any speech, it’s good to have a structure that supports your tone and guiding purpose.

  1. Outline. Once you have an organizing principle and some anecdotes, select which ones to include. Consider stories that people might not have heard before or that seem to particularly define the person’s personality.
  2. Opening. Start the speech by introducing yourself and your relationship with the deceased, then include an opening that catches the audience’s attention. Maybe that’s a simple sentence about the person’s personality and what was important to them, or a humorous or poignant story about them that illuminates something about your relationship.
  3. Fill in your outline with examples. Consider alternating between touching stories or moments in their life and more lighthearted ones. Your eulogy should bring the person’s personality to life in a positive way, and in a way that everyone understands, even if they weren’t there. Write in a conversational tone, and keep in mind that short sentences are easier to remember and get through.
  4. Consider additional elements. Depending on the venue, you might want to play one of their favorite songs or have a slide show of photos.
  5. Closing. An impactful ending might include a few words from you to the person, or a summary of your main purpose or organizing theme. You could also end on a favorite quote of theirs, some lyrics from their favorite song or poem, or a religious passage. Don’t be afraid to end on a humorous note if that illuminates the person’s character.

Eulogy Tips to Remember

  1. Don’t ramble. If there are multiple speakers, try to stay under five minutes. If you are the only speaker, seven to 10 minutes is usually appropriate.
  2. Don’t make it about you. You can include yourself in stories and anecdotes, but the focus should always be on the person you’re honoring.
  3. Don’t tell inside jokes or experiences that others wouldn’t understand.
  4. Don’t tell stories that could make people uncomfortable. Even if someone had a great sense of humor, this isn’t the time to roast them.
  5. Speak authentically. This is your time to honor this person. Share your unique perspective of them.
  6. It’s okay if you need to pause, or if you tear up. Funerals can be very emotional, and there’s nothing wrong with taking a moment if you get choked up.

How to Prepare and Deliver a Eulogy

  1. Practice as much as possible. The more comfortable you are with what you plan to say, the less nervous or emotional you are likely to be. Don’t memorize a script word-for-word; stick to the main points from your outline.
  2. Familiarize yourself with the space. Find out if there will be a podium or lectern, or if you will be speaking more casually in front of people. Envisioning yourself in the space and saying your words ahead of time eases some nerves.
  3. Ensure you have water nearby in case you need it, as well as a tissue or handkerchief.

Delivering Your Eulogy

  1. Pause before you start speaking and make eye contact with people in the room.
  2. Don’t feel rushed. You might find yourself needing to pause and collect your emotions. Others in the room are likely feeling the same way. There’s no need to apologize; just take a moment and pick up where you left off when you’re ready.
  3. It’s okay to read from your notes. Even people who can deliver beautiful speeches at other times find themselves needing to reference their notes during emotionally charged times.

Eulogy Template

  • Opening: Who you are, your relationship to the person, and an opening anecdote
  • Life summary: Who they were (brief overview of their life, potentially including their birthplace, family, career, hobbies, and interests)
  • Stories: 2-3 stories that illuminate their personality and why they were special
  • Impact: What they meant to you and how they impacted others
  • Closing: Summary of your experience with them, and why you will miss them. Could include a quote, lyrics, or religious passage

Example Eulogies

Eulogies are deeply personal, but this basic structure will help you make a meaningful tribute. Start with an introduction, add a few words about the person’s positive personality traits, share a few memories, and conclude with the impact they have made on you. These examples will get you started:

  1. Hello everyone. For those who don’t know me, I’m [Your Name] and I was [relationship to the person].

    Many of you know [Name] as the polite and upstanding man who ran a successful business for more than 70 years. But to me, he was my Pop Pop—my grandfather who taught me how to camp in the woods, skin a fish, and start a fire without a match.

    I’d like to share a few other memories that capture who he was when he wasn’t on the city council and working behind his desk.

    [Share three stories or memories that showcase the less serious and more personal aspects of the person’s personality.]

    I will always miss my Pop-Pop, but I know the lessons he taught me and the wisdom he shared will continue to live within me.

  2. Thank you all for being here today to honor and remember [Name].

    Opening: For those who don’t know me, I’m [Your Name] and I was [relationship to the person]

    [Name] meant something different to so many people, but I’d like to share a few of my memories and experiences that I feel capture who they were.

    Personality traits: [Name] could light up a room with their dynamic personality, loved books that showed them a different culture or experience than their own, and had a skill for making people feel welcome and heard.”

    Memories: Let me show you what I mean. [Share 1-3 brief stories or experiences].

    Impact: [Name] taught me to always [stay positive, be curious about others, pay attention to details], and I’ll always be grateful for that.

    Closing: The poet Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

    And I will never forget how [Name] made me feel as their [relationship].

  3. Good afternoon, and thank you for joining us here today. I am [Your Name] and I was [Name]’s best friend for more than 20 years.

    In their free time, [Name] loved nothing more than going to the movies. Funny, sad, dramatic, scary, it didn’t matter. And so today, I’d like to tell you some stories from their life that seemed to be taken from a movie.

    [Share some experiences you had with the person that are funny, touching, scary, dramatic, or tie in to a movie theme.]

    I’d like to end by sharing a quote from American film director Martin Scorsese: "Movies touch our hearts and awaken our vision, and change the way we see things. They take us to other places, they open doors and minds."

    And while that quote explains why [Name] loved movies, I also think it’s what we loved about [Name]. They took us to new places, and opened our minds.

Final Thoughts

Writing a eulogy is never easy, but it is a meaningful way to honor someone’s life and legacy. Don’t worry about making it perfect. Focus on being honest, respectful, and true to who they were.

The words you share will help others remember, reflect, and find comfort.

For more practical strategies, explore the Public Speaking Tips page.

This article is based on the following Toastmaster magazine articles:

Finding the Right Way to Say Goodbye by George Kiser

Delivering a Heartfelt Farewell by Tammy A. Miller, DTM

An Unwanted Honor by Caren S. Neile, Ph.D.

Saying Goodbye Isn’t Easy by Bill Brown, DTM

Using My Skills to Honor My Family by Caren S. Neile, Ph.D.

About Toastmasters International

Toastmasters International helps people build confidence and improve public speaking skills in clubs around the world. At meetings, members practice speeches, respond to impromptu questions, and give constructive feedback. This consistent practice empowers members to meet personal and professional goals.